Self restraint
Feb 1
Day1- heart thoughts : this is a stupid idea , why should I restraint myself , what am trying to check .. I need to end this now -
Mind thinks: it's good it's just the first day .. you have seen this before .. see how much your thoughts move towards them . You are literally breathing into their life .. not good .. they are not yours to be - hang on
Heart - what if they move on ..what if they realize I m disrupting being overbearing, what if they need don't need you anymore
Mind - good , you deserve it then .. if it's so shallow , you shouldn't be in their life anymore
Y was the tg chat deleted 🤯
Day 2- full day in the kitchen ... why does cooking take so much not time .. k going away .. I am super lonely 😭 and tired 🥱
Day 3- y am I doing this ? What's the point of this ? How is it helping anyone ? What am I afraid of .. ? If I m overbearing I will be told .. I m not harming anyone ..
it's just so difficult to not pick up the phone 📞 and send a message ..
What is this some kind of addiction to a person , who isn't even mine to be .. who already has someone else and who he completely adores and wants to spend the rest of the life .. where did come into the picture ? Why should I be around ..
must have thought about it so many times .. but me thinks it's good .. feels like setting someone free .. this distance is important and healthy .. the person is not mine to be
I am overbearing.. this decision is good
Day 4- day is made 😀 so good to meet accidentally.. sorry I broke my own promise to my self .. am I saying sorry to myself on the blog.. silly silly
when life good and I am so happy so relieved .. I had to call .. I share my deepest fears and so I must share happiness.. little short of saying the magical words ..” I LOVE YOU" but only person it makes a difference to is me ! But I can say it after every phone call, every message , every meet, every morning and every night .. and I say it so many times in mind especially at night , every single day but in my mind .. its stupid to not say it .. but I thought any thing which reinforces the relationship status he doesn’t like.. always in denial - 😐
and Now I want to do it meet/call again and share my life cause it feels like a million years ago.. y should I make myself and them suffer ? I m assuming they are suffering too 😀 so its been a few hours .. but I miss him loads
Life’s so beautiful with him around!
Me goes for the walk .. music in my ears make me free !
Me stayed home , watched Sherlock Holmes .. I love the man intelligence.. I love sir Arthur canon Doyle
Day 5- morning vit D and S 😀
So much changes just by talking with a handful of people about home work .. 'heart heart'
So tempted to go but I would like to stay at home days before leaving on a long trip to ap.. sole reason for not going
Guess it didn't go well .. missed the mri time , were to call you before but then I wasn't sure if you had company .. had 100% plans of accompanying you but was dangerous and you have someone already who I am sure will be around today
Unnerving waiting for your call , so worried about the outcome
No talking makes no sense of
Feb 2-Day 6- getting back to normal .. but mentally I have blocked myself .. I needed this time ..
life's back to normal
Super worried about the knee .. felt getting old and worried the movement would get restricted.. feels like I will need to be away and all trips have gone for a toss .. but wait they probably they won't even happen .. my imagination.. not mine to be in the first place 😮💨
Day 7 - nil
Day 8- I know why I needed this time ... I go all out and when I see resistance it breaks me .. but it's the right thing to do and I am unnecessarily dragging someone into something they are not comfortable in .. not the right thing -- it hurts and hence I needed to recalibrate
Day 9- hmm .. no think too much but I think too much.. life needs to be simple but simple life don't have people in them
"To discuss"
Temples give me a lot of peace and I get goosebumps ..
They also help me think better .. funny I am close to an atheist
I sat in one for an hour today
, [Feb 6, 2024
You are not an atheist
I don't believe in idols
Feb 6, 2024 at 22:16]
I don't believe in many religious views
,
Do you believe in God?
[Feb 6, 202
I think there is higher power .. but not in the form it's prayed .. it's probably the sun or water , wind .. earth .. I believe in those
, [Feb 6, 2024
So you believe in a supernatural power that is beyond the understanding of humans
Feb 6, 2024
Frustrating
Yes
[Feb 6, 2024 a
That’s what is known as God, isn’t it?
, [Feb 6, 2024
God brings animosity
, [Feb 6, 2024 at 22:19]
Some people give this perceived supernatural power a shape and form
Feb 6, 2024
Can't be it
, [Feb 6, 2024 at 22:19]
Humans create animosity
The perceived power is just what it is. A perceived power. It’s not science as we understand it, it’s beyond that.
Peace comes from the sound of bells , the incense sticks , the prayers , the cold floors and the flowers
We humans gave it different forms, names, created stories around them, reserved land for them, killed in their name. But none of this changed what the perceived supernatural power is.
Feb 6, 2024 at 22:21]
It’s still is the reason this world exists.
It gives us hope
I am sure of that.. but I don't believe in it .. yet it brings immense peace .. I get goosebumps and make me want to surrender and give up this worldly life 😀
It gives us strength
Please don’t do this
So my point is, you aren’t an atheist by any means
Feb 6, 2024 at 22:23]
My point is listen
I don’t agree with the various forms of God either, but I like them. I don’t know any rituals, don’t believe in them. But yet, they bring peace of mind
And I like that 😀
Oh
, [Feb 6, 2024 at 22:24]
Sorry
, [Feb 6, 2024 at 22:24]
Please s
, [Feb 6, 2024 at 22:24]
😀
, [Feb 6, 2024 at 22:24]
Did you wish for anything?
, [Feb 6, 2024 at 22:24]
I forgot what is started saying
Nope , I am thankful for what I have
Never anything for myself .
You said
Temples give me a lot of peace and I get goosebumps ..
Feb 6, 2024 a
They also help me think better .. funny I am close to an atheist
[Feb 6, 2024
U didn't delete 😀
Wow
, [Feb 6, 2024 at 22:26]
You aren’t smiling
, [Feb 6, 2024 at 22:27]
And what I click myself are such
This needs to be discussed- GOD!
After a lot of discussions- though the time I wanted to decipher the whole thing was only probably a few days rather weeks that I had imagined.
But I am sure that this person who I simply adore has created a balance in my life I never had.. I have the stability, the peace, the calmness I always wanted .. my mind is so less agitated , I have grown as person , become more accepting and less expecting .. ( someone won’t agree) I think my anger towards some people has gone to zero .. accepting that they will never ever change and if they do I dont know what will I do about it :) My worry to live my life minus this person right now seems traumatic but I have been there before and been through this .. how tough can it get ! (rhetoric)
Of all the things that I wanted to think , if some people have come into your life there is a reason , they probably cant be yours in ways one may want but imagine a life without them.. tough ! chaos!
So if I ever have to step away and live my life independently away from this chaos just this person can keep me going .. I don't think this feeling can come for any other person unless I try. I dont even want to.. but never say never! Mountaineers are enticing too!
and Librans are flirts :) I dont know why I read the Linda Goodman’s Libran man !
new thought on Feb the 13th : If one never knows what lies in the future, if the present is so stable, so beautiful, so engaging.. why dwell in something that’s so far away.
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